success couching (redux+)

This is a re-post from a year ago, with an update…

We’ll get us a success coach
to train up our success
he’ll pump us up with slogans
until we are the bestest.
He’ll elevate our excellence
right up to the sky!
And as the gas comes whooshing out
our excellence will fly!

what I wanted to say…

…in my Friday and weekend emails and “chats” to the 10% of my colleagues who cause 90% of the problems because they either ignore the grade submission deadline, discover they don’t know how to use the system until after the deadline and expect help on the weekend, or are just too bloody ODD to do anything properly and on time without having to be asked five times and then argue about it:  

 

I’m the parent that’s less fun

(the one that makes you brush your teeth)

I’m the teacher that’s more mean

(the one that won’t let you in the lab barefoot)

I’m the director that sends the angry emails

(the one that makes sure marks come in)

 

Or here’s another way of looking at it,

I’m the one that:

keeps the kids healthy,

the students safe,

and makes sure the system works.

 

Did you ever think that maybe I get tired of

     being the grown up?

     being the responsible one?

     being the bad guy?

and would like to not give a shit about

dental costs,

legal liability and

graduations,

either?

 

Did you ever stop to think that if you

JUST

DO

YOUR

FUCKING

JOB

then I won’t have to be the bad guy?

 

Let’s do the experiment and see what happens.

 

covering our arses

We covered our arses with paperwork
but we got a bit carried away,
what with HR, Disclosure and Ethics
there’re new forms to fill in each day!

found wanting

Never forget this:
everything is a test –
every word, every look,
each recorded, each graded
against a secret rubric.

Never forget this,
so that when judgement is made
you will not be surprised
you will not be dismayed
to be found wanting.

 

 

B-ark-ing mad and chasing our tails

Back on the B-ark yesterday, for strategic planning! So the dVerse prompt: “put your words on spin cycle” felt very apt when I read it this morning.

I hate tidying, sweeping, mopping the floor,
and washing dishes even more,
and there are few things I wouldn’t rather be
doing, than a load of laundry –
but sitting here and taking notes
in this bloody meeting, gets some votes.
There’s no action-items, no decisions made,
my patience is becoming increasingly frayed…

success couching

We’ll get us a success coach
to train up our success
he’ll pump us up with slogans
until we are the bestest.
He’ll elevate our excellence
right up to the sky!
And as the gas comes whooshing out
our excellence will fly!

lie back and don’t think of English

This latest “vision statement”
is filling me with anguish –
it’s a crime against coherence,
an assault upon the language:

leadership training VI

The last leadership training session was this week, so here’s the (w)rap-up to the series (sing along with me):

I don’t need your SCARF
wrapped around my neck.

leadership training V

This week’s leadership training session was all about how to manipulate – sorry, influence – people by finding their levers, so they are attached to you and the organisation with ‘authentic commitment’. Which of course brought to mind the book of Job, which begins “There was a man in the land of Uz…”. How could I resist such a temptation….

1
There was an Institution in the land of Oz,
And that Institution had a Job.

leadership training IV

 [an owl,
I fly through a window