fireworks and dripping tears

Written for the dVerse Haibun Monday prompt, “Fireworks and a dripping tap” to write about your feelings towards this new year.  I have already written several poems about my feelings about 2022 and it’s ending, implying that it wasn’t the best of years. But let’s just lay it all out now, so the tears make sense. After this, I am going to leave 2022 behind. 

2022 was supposed to be a better year for everyone – covid vaccinations making us safer, travel opening up again and back to teaching face to face. But it was a year characterized by tragedy. One of my students took his own life a few weeks into semester. And then just weeks later another was killed in a car accident. Then there was a second suicide on campus, and, just as the year was finally drawing to a close, a colleague’s son died, a boy the same age as my twins.
Everyone said the usual thing to everyone else after the first suicide: “you can’t blame yourself”. But I do. I blame all of us – every one of us on campus that didn’t pay enough attention, every one of us that should have seen something, every one of us that could have said something, every one of us that might have made a difference. All of us that should have done better.
So, how do I feel about the year gone and the new one starting?

Thank God it’s over. Next year
I will do better.


Filed under poem

30 responses to “fireworks and dripping tears

  1. That’s heavy. Heartbreaking reality. Last line of haiku shows the determination that is needed is situations like these. All the Best to you.

  2. Any death is certainly painful; more so when it is of a young. Wishing that your resolve and your efforts bear fruits in the New Year. Hope you have a splendid 2023.

  3. So awful. I’m so sorry. I heard somebody interviewed recently who lost his best friend to suicide. He said his group of friends have a policy now to always ask twice. Are you okay? And then later “Are you really okay?: don’t know if that’s a strategy you want to try.

  4. Such a litany of youthful death around you is truly awful. We all must aim to do better this year, for those who rely on us and for the planet. And I’m sure you will Kate!

  5. Oh gosh. Too sad a year. Indeed. Heartbreaking. Take care Kate.

  6. I’m so sorry you’ve had so much loss in 2022, Kate. I hope the new year will be a happier one.

  7. VJ

    It’s beyond comprehension – the loss of a young life. You can’t blame yourself. Your awareness , compassion, and willingness to initiate change lends hope to the situation.

  8. better late than never
    ah so
    better on time
    fine yours
    or mine
    which of course
    is not time
    ah so
    just what we both already know

  9. I’m so sorry. How difficult for you and your students and colleagues.

  10. I am so sorry 💔 Your haibun wrenches at the soul.

    May the New Year bring you some peace in the worst of times.

  11. I do hope 2023 is a better year for you and your community. I hope your school and community are getting counseling around these deaths. You will do better, you’ll do the best you can. Take care of your self.

  12. 2022 has been a terrible year, and I think the aftermath of covid is partly to blame.

  13. That is certainly a lot to process and cope with. I’m so sorry. I agree with you very strongly that we all need to take responsibility to try harder. I lost my stepson to suicide in 2020 and although some believe we should never blame ourselves, I disagree. There is always something more we can do. It is wonderful that you have this insight as a teacher.

    • I’m so sorry Mish. That must have been absolutely devastating.
      I agree with you – the only way to do better is to accept that you could have done better, which means accepting some of the responsibility. This must have been pretty triggering for you Mish, I hope you’re okay. ❤

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