not now

I shan’t cry now,
not in the glare and noise of the supermarket,
between the breakfast spreads and the cereals.

I mustn’t cry now,
not in front of the children, flown from their school-day,
chattering urgently away, of lessons, games and he-said then I-said.

I can’t cry now,
not when there is no time, no time of my own, just the stove,
the table, and dinner waiting to be cooked and served.

I won’t cry now,
not when I am so tired, that my eyes close before the tears fall,
and there is nothing left of the day, and nothing left in me.

And maybe tomorrow, I wont need to cry.

22 Comments

Filed under poem

22 responses to “not now

  1. oh boy. i know this feeling. these feelings. this exhaustion. i hear you. this is a strong poem. it really speaks to me.

  2. You capture the drama, played out every day, of busy mums caring for others, but not taking time out for themselves. A wonderful poem.

  3. writingwhatnots

    You’ve caught it so well, that ploughing on, coping, pushing your own needs to the background. Very relatable.

  4. I cried once, in the canned fruit aisle. Had to run out of the store. I dislike groceries stores now. Hits home, Kate.

  5. Mmhh, fine feelings, well told Kate

  6. This is lovely in a sad sort of way. Yes, may you not need to cry tomorrow, but if you do, I hope you can find a time and a place to care for your needs.

  7. I can feel your emptiness and exhaustion!

    • Thanks Roger. It’s been a tough few months, with my mum now in hospital as well after a fall. I wrote this after getting a phone call from the hospital while I was in the supermarket.
      I’m afraid I can’t read your blog at the moment – the contrast between the caring togetherness you have, with what is going on in my family is too stark.

  8. I liked the last sentence, when the emotion passes and looks ahead with hope.

  9. So raw and honest. I read your writing and feel it deeply. Maybe so brave to publish or is it just despairing? Does the opportunity to express such distress help? I can’t say more than I hope you can look after yourself while others are demanding so much of you and that these times will pass. Sincerest best wishes.

    • I think the opportunity to express it does help – first the writing helps with processing it, and then posting it also makes it feel like something that I need to say has been said.
      Thanks for your kind words Sean. ❤

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