I have not been guarded or wary enough.
I have gone running naked, laughing, down the corridor,
and I have sat in the corner and cried,
without remembering to close the door.
I have shared too much of myself –
what is behind the eyes
as well as what I see through them –
And I didn’t calculate the risk
in letting down my guard,
in dropping the ghillie suit,
in taking off the mask
that hides how I feel.
Please be assured it won’t happen again.
Written for the dVerse prompt “take a risk”.
anotherKate 
Aww, I really feel this. : (
Sometimes, I regret opening up too. In my case, I just feel guilty and like a burden even though no one has ever told me that at all. But, I also know when I might have said too much and just wanted to crawl in a hole afterwards. Opening up is always a risk, you never know who to really trust at times or you never know how they’ll react.
It really only makes me guarded for the next moment.
Beautifully written, evocative, and poignant. ❤ ❤
Thank you Lucy ❤
I have a bit of a habit of saying too much – I'm trying to cut back. 🙂
I feel this way after having written poetry. Well written.
Thanks VJ! Your poetry is very beautiful, and very poignant at times. I’m glad feeling like this hasn’t stopped you writing.
Thanks Kate. We emote and express and hopefully others resonate, lol.
Beautifully written poem. You really feel the shame and sadness at the end
Thank you. The last line was the last thing said to a “friend” more than a year ago.
It sounds like you have less difficulty with risk … except at the end there. I suppose I have sometimes regretted opening up.
I guess everyone who does open up regrets it at some point. 🙂
There will be people that make us regret opening up. Been there too. Well written as the reader is pulled into that sting of regret at the end. It’s so human to put a wall up after we’ve been hurt. 💝
Thank you Tricia. It was a great prompt. ❤
Welcome! 🌺
I have opened up, been shot down, praised …. all of it. Your poetry is insightful and thought-provoking. Well done!!!
Thank you Helen ❤
A great poem, Kate. It really spoke to me. I have thought a lot lately (and this is related although not exactly what your poem is about) about the fine line between opening up and being a bit vulnerable compared to blatant self pity that makes people uncomfortable and a bit stand offish. Like if I say to somebody “I am so ugly. It’s so unfair.” It’s very different to saying “I haven’t felt good about myself lately. I feel like I need a hair cut to spruce myself up.” In my heart, I might feel the first sentence but for the public, the second sentence is more palatable. People accept it more easily. I think we all want to be truly honest sometimes but find ourselves editing what we express out loud to save the ears of our listeners. But I own that I am extremely uncomfortable with what I call self pity. So I criticize nobody. I am just interested in the boundaries we set ourselves and wondering where they came from. Are they cultural or more personal? Are they appropriate or unhealthy?
I think your poem on a friendship ending encouraged me to write this. It made me think of lost friendships of my own, and then the “risk” prompt triggered me to revisit a final email.
You draw a good distinction between self-pitying whining and just saying how you feel. It is hard to see where people’s boundaries are though, between those two. And I think they are very different for different people, for personal and cultural reasons.
I feel honored when good smart people lower their guard in careful safe moments, and hope more such moments come to you.
Thank you Roger. I think you’re the sort of person that people would be comfortable lowering their guard with. Certainly from your writing you come across as very kind and gentle.
Thanks for the gift of a new word “ghillie”. Thanks for the gift of a risky poem. Maybe, just maybe, it should happen again.
Thanks Sean. 🙂 Ghillie is a good word, with the connotations of protective colouring, but also the somewhat sinister aspect of concealing danger as well.
This is too good. I wish opening up wasn’t so complicated. You want to, you know it’s going to make things probably smoother, and yet afterwards, you can’t help but regret it. The vulnerability, none of us are ready for it much.
Thanks Shruba, and you may be right about none of us being ready – If anything I think I’m finding it harder as I get older.
Vulnerable. This is good. Take the risk of letting it happen again— why not.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Selma 🙂
it could
must should
bare bones
and no cold shoulders
anymore
🙂
Wonderful! It is always a risk to share our secrets and be vulnerable. Sometimes we share them with the wrong people, sometimes the right. But its ok either way for if anyone choses to betray our trust it says more about them than us!
Thanks Ingrid ❤
A great poem… with a sad ending!
Thank you Dwight 🙂
You are welcome!
Someone told me that before Facebook and before like buttons that bloggers left a “stone”: (0) to say they had been there and enjoyed what they read but had nothing valuable to add to the discussion 😉 –
Thank you Ren
I love that idea of leaving a stone. Maybe because I like stones. 🙂 My second ever blog post was a record of a conversation about stones. https://anotherkatewilson.wordpress.com/2020/01/18/talking-to-samuel/
Why must we be embarrassed by openly expressing our vulnerabilities? It’s one of our biggest challenges as a species I think. (K)
Agreed, but maybe being vulnerable is dangerous. 🙂
Ohh this is beautifully poignant! 💝
Thanks Sanaa