now is my autumn…

It’s my birthday tomorrow… so I ordered some more green-apple hair colour as a present to myself – I’m not greying at the temples, I’m greening. Now I just need to find my reading glasses so I can read the instructions… 

Now is my autumn, and I’m discontent,
when I contemplate the money I’ve spent
on all these little jars of stuff,
perhaps it’s time to say ‘enough’!
“Intensive replumping” on my face?
I’ve plumped in every other place!

Despite the creams cremes I’ve still got bags
beneath my eyes, and jowls that sag.
Now I’m standing in the aisle debating
if my face needs re-hydrating.
And what’s “cellular filler” – is that for the car?
Why does it cost $50 a jar!?

And are there five or seven signs,
of aging? This one says there’s nine!
I’m getting lost in the verbosity –
is it luminance or luminosity?
And how’s that done – specks of glitter?
perhaps a dose of gamma-emitter?

This glass eye-dropper full of serum,
– don’t put it in your eyes, just near ‘em –
restores your eyes’ vitality
(at the cost of your liquidity).
It leaves my eyes all bright and red.
Ooops.. Don’t put it in your eyes, it said.

Is it age causing confusion,
or an advertised delusion
that smearing this goop on my face
will help me age with youthful grace?
The crows’ feet deepen round my eyes,
as I contemplate illusion’s price.

These lines are clearly here to stay –
but I have found a clever way
to convince myself that they are gone –
I just won’t put my glasses on!
With the autumn on my face unseen,
I admire my hair – dyed fresh spring green!


Filed under poem

25 responses to “now is my autumn…

  1. Oh, so poignant and pertinent, Kate! There’s some great humour in this, too. ‘don’t put it in your eyes, just near ‘em’ being my favourite of several: well done!

    When did box instructions become SO small? In fact, the idea of reading the ‘small print’, though never of much interest to me (foolishly), has become meaningless to me over the last few years – even squinting through my glasses! I often find myself brushing at the indistinguishable words as if they were dust!

    The colour sounds lush! In a recent push toward better health I have taken to purchasing great volumes (really?!) of beetroot (read – some beetroot). It does seem to be quite beneficial and delicious. However, I find the beet juice to be a super hair dye!

    Happy birthday for tomorrow.
    N. Reeves, aged 56 1/2.

    • Thank you Nick!
      I used to think I wouldn’t need reading glasses, because I’m quite short sighted. I was wrong – now I have 2 pairs of glasses. 😦
      Beetroot would have worked for me when I was a teenager and had pink hair – if only I’d known then… but green is more distinguished. Apple green gives me a nice green streak where my hair has gone white, and a slight green tinge to the dark brown, reminiscent of a sloth with algae growing in its fur.

      • Lol! – ‘reminiscent of a sloth with algae growing in its fur’ – so funny! This ^ should be the product tagline! Thank you, Kate.

        • Don’t think I’ll quit my day job to go into advertising just yet… but it would be fun. Years ago I was manning a physics stand at a careers fair, and next to us was a beauty academy stand. At one point we swapped for an hour just for fun. I wish I could remember the taglines I created then…

  2. Msdedeng

    Oh my gosh, thank you for taking on this topic! It’s the case of “a fool and his money are soon parted.”
    Brilliantly written!

  3. Happy Birthday. Green sounds great!

  4. Happy Birthday Kate. This made me giggle. Those creams and those serums and those judgments that it isn’t ok to look like we are aging. Argh!
    I would love to see a photo of your green hair.
    You deserve a joyous birthday. I hope you treat yourself to something you love.

  5. Happy Birthday, Kate 💚
    As Kermit might say,
    It’s not easy being green 🐸

  6. Whatever they use, I’m sure
    no vegans were harmed in the
    manufacturing process 🤔

  7. Belated happy Birthday. I love the real of this poem, but also the thumbing of your nose with cheer – green is lively, transcending age.

  8. Hope your birthday went well.

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