I’ve told you a million times…

A pedant’s portent (for L, who always exaggerates):

It’s not decapitation
if you’ve still got a head.
It’s not electrocution
if, after, you’re not dead
And it isn’t really drowning.
if you’re still standing here.
And it isn’t really murder,
if I’m not caught, my dear!

…and while I’m on the topic of my kids’ hyperbole (for all three little… darlings, who currently label anything they don’t like an abomination):

Pumpkin isn’t poison,
nor are Brussel’s sprouts,
asparagus is healthy
regardless of your doubts.
“That filth” took me an hour
it’s not “an abomination”,
so shut up and sit down
or bed’s your destination.
And don’t give me “but mum”,
with your complaints I’m through,
and while we’re on the subject,
that’s Professor Mum to you!


Filed under poem, rants

9 responses to “I’ve told you a million times…

  1. That first one is friggin hilarious!
    I make those exaggerations all the time too 🤣 confrontingggg

  2. Wohoo😂, I loved the piece🧡

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