leadership training III

Today’s lesson, from the revelations of Kate of  XXXX, chapter 3:

The great beast ascendeth,
the seven-headed dragon
with its ten working groups,
shaking the campus
so that one tenth-part of the institution fell –
full seven hundred men (and some women) cast out.

And the great beast,
abomination and father (or mother) of abominations,
with the name Euphemism upon its heads,
its forked tongue flicking,
spewed forth its filth –
those words made whores
through fornication
with the angels of the chancellery:
myCareer conversation
change-process management”
out-placement program

And the beast had no numbers,
because it had no ears to hear a call,
so no numbers giveth it.
But here is wisdom.
Let he (or she) who has understanding
know it by its letters.
And the letters of the beast are:

H and R.

___________________

So today’s leadership training session started innocently enough with the motivational statement “Beyoncé has 24 hours in a day. And you do too! What will you achieve with yours?” Clearly, I realised too late, an attempt to disarm me by making me roll around laughing (fortunately my camera and mic were off).

But then the scuttling and scaly, slimy and slithering, little euphemisms – every one venomous, but not honestly venomous in their own right, oh no, venomous like a reptile with a mouth full of toxic bacteria –  started appearing. It was bad enough when we had “voluntary” redundancies, when certain people were to told to apply or face “performance management”, and we all knew what “restructuring” meant – everybody is sacked. Now we have an “out-placement program” to fire people. 

And putting “my” in front of everything does not give me a sense of ownership, of personal investment, it just makes me think of the Cat from Red Dwarf

OMG – maybe leadership training is a cunning way of getting people like me to resign! It’s cheaper than paying me to go away (performance management)…

Oh, and I do sincerely apologise if I have offended any Christians by my use of Revelations. Please consider my imitation as flattery – it’s just so very apt at the moment.

Here endeth the rant.

(Chapters I. II, and the prologue

12 Comments

Filed under poem, rants

12 responses to “leadership training III

  1. Reblogged this on Darren Goossens and commented:
    Said better than I ever could.

  2. Really that was the best I have read so far from you Kate. You seem to excel when you write about what really stirs your emotions rather than the stuff you want to write about! I enjoyed it, thank you.

  3. Thank you. 🙂 It’s probably not a good thing for me though that I write best when infuriated to the point of stealing fire and brimstone from god – or John of Patmos anyway.
    Three more leadership training sessions to go… 😡

  4. 🙂 Sounds like you’ve got it bad. I started my “pre-work” for the “Leadership Academy” training I will get at the end of the month. It was such a joy learning I should be a bird only to have my scores be evenly spaced among the options. 🙂

    • You got to be a bird? We didn’t get to be animals! What inventory did you do? It sounds much better than the dinky “character strengths” inventory we had to do. My tops were honesty, kindness and humour. I did not map well against the Values in Action. I will never be a Rupert. 😀

      • The quiz they sent me had sixteen questions with four choices each, and when you tallied up your answers you should be mostly one of an owl, dove, eagle or peacock. I had six each in owl and dove, with four in peacock. I’m not very pushy, it seems, based on how they defined the eagle’s traits. 🦉🕊🦚🦅

        • I found an online version – it’s called the DOPE test. 😀 The one I found had 20 questions and I got owl as top too, peacock last and even on dove and eagle. :owl: I found a lion-owl-monkey-horse version too. I’m starting to wonder if the whole of the training program isn’t some kind of elaborately disguised Turing test.

        • DOPE test; seems fitting. 🙂I was wondering why they didn’t give us the Harry Potter Hogwart’s test.

        • It would have to be a virtual hat test. Maybe they do that during the training. I once applied for a job with a particular govt department, and I got past the aptitude test but failed the personality test. Probably just as well in hindsight.

  5. Pingback: leadership training IV | anotherkatewilson

  6. Pingback: leadership training VI | anotherkatewilson

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